Every Tuesday, between 09h00 & 10h00, we get into the shoes of others.
Join me this morning, as I focus on another enquiry from a listener who is concerned about the rules around hugging. "RSG - Dis die een."
She mentioned that she is generally
friendly and that she loves people, but that she doesn't like it when
people want to hug her.
What
are your rules around hugging? Do you like to give or receive hugs?
Image - free hugs campaign
When
it comes to empathy and our relationships with other people, it is
important that we are aware that people are different and that they
have likes and dislikes. And when we would like others to respect
our differences, likes and dislikes, we have to be willing to grant
them the same.
This
is obviously not always the case, because all too often, we find that
people have a different perspective and they do not know how to
communicate that. They are afraid that they will hurt someone else's
feelings.
Respect
and empathy
Very
often we see that people do not voice their opinion, because they are
afraid of offending the other person. But in keeping quiet, we are
actually sacrificing our right to be happy and free.
Wearing
a t-shirt with the words: Please do not hug me or putting a
note on your office door, would be a bit extreme. It may be a
solution when you have tried everything else.
There
is no better substitute for open, honest and respectful
communication. Why not create an environment at home, at your work
place or in your family set-up, where you can talk and share about
these and other issues. When we are willing to voice our opinion,
with respect and empathy and without deliberately hurting the other
person, then we should do so. This could lead to better
communication and better relationships.
If
you do not like to give or receive hugs, be honest and tell the
person who wants to hug you. If you can relate a story about what
has brought on your objection to hugging, it is even better.
Creatively
get out of a hug. When you see it coming, hold out your hand for a
handshake instead.
Another
option, is to pretend to not see that the person wants to hug you, to
briefly look away and when you look back in their direction, to then
hold out your hand for a handshake.
Etiquette
Hugs
are more common these days and we often see that they are not
necessarily only reserved for family members. Friends, acquaintances
and even strangers hug each other.
Some
people who do not like hugging, object for various reasons. These
may include: hygienic reasons, a previous bad encounter where they
encountered bad body odour, cultural or religious reasons, or some
may feel uncomfortable with having another person in their personal
space.
Whether
we like hugging or not, it is important to realise that for
everything that we like or approve of, that there is someone out
there who dislikes or disapprove of our preference. When in doubt,
educate yourself by speaking to people and finding out.
With
social media, we often start talking to strangers who are our
“friends” in cyberspace. It can be awkward when we get to meet
some of these “friends”. Do you hug them or not?
Some
people love hugs and will hug everybody. For others, hugging is
reserved to family and close friends.
Friends
and close relatives
Most
people would say that it is appropriate to hug them. In some case
there has to be an agreement that it is okay, because some people
also object to hugs from relatives.
Acquaintances
Some
people are very close with their acquaintances, because they work
together and often spend a lot of time together, outside of working
hours.
When
both parties are comfortable, I guess that it is okay to hug.
The
opposite sex
This can be a tricky one if you don't know the rules and like to hug people. Unless it is a really good or close friend,
you have to take time to find out whether it is okay to hug them.
They may have a girlfriend or spouse who do not like them to be
hugged by someone from the opposite sex, more so when it is an
attractive someone.
Be
careful, because hugging in this instance can be seen as
inappropriate and you do not want a sexual harassment case filed
against you. Know the rules and boundaries.
When
we consider respect and empathy, we can't go wrong. Be willing to
walk in the shoes of others and see things from their perspective.
And if you are not sure about what the right or appropriate thing is,
ask.
.....................................
What is your empathy or relationship challenge?
Send a text message to 33343 (R1, 50) or an email to brinkm@rsg.co.za to let us know. I might be focusing on your challenge next time.
You can stay anonymous.
Thank you for your participation. We appreciate it.
.......................................
A copy of my book, up for grabs!!!
"Like" the page of The Empathy Campaign on facebook, by Friday midday (28 September 2012), send and email to info@andeline.co.za to let me know that you have "liked" the page.
http://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa
You could be the winner of: In Mekaar Se Skoene.
You are welcome to post words of wisdom about empathy on the page.
If you would like to order your copy, you can contact me, by sending an email to info@andeline.co.za I'll email you the banking details for payment. As soon as I receive your payment, I'll mail your copy. R159,00 + R24,00 postage.
Thank you.
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In mekaar se Skoene, has been described as "one of those books that needs to be on the bookshelf of every South African household."
Do connect with me on Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin.
See previous blog entries about my upcoming event: The Wellness & Networking Event For Women, to be hosted on 16 October 2012, at the beautiful Alice Art in Ruimsig.
Should you require more information about the event, do contact me. I will upload the invitation shortly.
Thank you and have a blessed day.
Geniet Braaidag, hou matigheid voor oë en ry veilig.
Andeline Williams-Pretorius
CEO, Andeline's Motivational Training
Mobile: 072 856 0218
Nominated in the ROCCI - Business of the year
awards, 2012.
Andeline is Resident Life Coach & Columnist at Kuier
Magazine.
PR Consultant; Inspirational Speaker & Trainer
Empathy & Relationship Expert on
Afrikaans radio station: RSG.
Recognised by African
Innovations as one of South Africa's Most Inspirational
Women
Their glossy page coffee table book,
featuring Andeline and 29 others (including industry leaders), coming
soon.
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