Unleash the blockage of an unforgiving heart

Life. There are not many certainties. One of the few things that we can be certain of, is that we will get hurt, experience emotional pain and / or become angry. When this happens, it is important to have a plan that will guide you on your journey to release such pain or anger.

Unfortunately, we are a society that mostly focuses on damage control, instead of prevention. This is the reason why many people do not know how to heal after experiencing emotional pain or prolonged anger.

In every painful encounter, is a lesson. A lesson that is meant to teach you something. This can only happen when you look a little deeper, beyond the surface; when you are able to change the meaning that you attach to your pain and find this lesson.

Sometimes, the lesson is that you need to look at yourself in the mirror, ask difficult questions and / or acknowledge your errors or weaknesses, those things that you neglect. This can be very challenging, especially when you are not used to look inward.

How do you change the meaning?

You do this by asking the right questions. Look at what happened. Look a little further, beyond the surface and ask yourself the following questions.

1. What else, other than the obvious could this mean?

2. What am I supposed to learn as a result of what happened?

3. How can I grow as a result of what happened?

4. What can I teach others, once I work through the pain?

To be able to forgive, will obviously requires more of you than simply answering the above questions, as I demonstrate in my complete programme on EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, titled: The Art Of Letting Go. However, by answering these questions, you are able to look at your current challenge of emotional pain or prolonged anger, in a different way.

Sometimes when the hurt is too much and you are struggling to forgive, it is important to know that everybody has their own time, and that it can never be a one-size-fits-all. The most important thing to start with when you need to let go of those emotions that do not serve you, is that you have to be willing to give forgiveness a try.

Forgiveness without empathy to those who caused you pain, is impossible. When showing empathy, it doesn't mean that you approve of the hurtful thing that was done to you and it certainly doesn't mean that you are weak. The top two scenarios that require empathy are:

1. When you need to let go and forgive.

2. When you need to practice consideration to your fellow human being. “I cannot do or say this   hurtful thing to someone else, because I would not like to be on the receiving end.”

When you get into the habit of the second scenario, above, it becomes easier to grow into this mindset.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to master.  At the same time it is one of the things that are the most beneficial to your journey of personal growth. Forgiveness brings freedom, freedom that you deserve.  In order to get it, you have to claim it for yourself.

Listen to RSG on Tuesday, between 09h00 & 10h00 for my regular contribution on Empathy. If you are struggling with an empathy challenge that you would like me to focus on, you can send a text message to the studio, on week days between 09h00 & 12h00. Send your text message to 33343, and I may be focusing on your challenge next time. Text messages charged at R1, 50.

Andeline is an Inspirational Speaker, Trainer, Author, Creator of The Empathy Campaign.  She was recognised by African Innovations as one of South Africa's Most Inspirational Women. Their glossy-page coffee table book will be available in August 2012.