Empathy to / for ourselves

In order to effectively demonstrate empathy to others, it is important that we first show empathy to ourselves. With the nearing Women's Month, I can't help but think of the countless women who are fulfilling their role as mother, wife, community worker and / or in the work place.

The needs of others often come before their own and sometimes their needs are not even part of the list of items on their to-do list.

The foundation of empathy for ourselves is based in a healthy self-esteem (self-care) and assertiveness. Many people struggle with this, even though they have empathy for others. The secret is about balance. Too much empathy for others, while having none for ourselves can lead to you being taken advantage of. You'll end up being one of those people who are always wondering: “Why is this always happening to me?” This will lead to frustration and resentment, because the person with too much empathy, (while having none for themselves) are often unable to express their needs. They say yes to people when they are supposed to say no.

Where do you start when wanting to rectify such a situation?

Change takes time and practice. The most important point to remember is that you deserve the good treatment and care that you are willing to give to someone else. You have to claim that for yourself. Women in particular should lose the super-woman syndrome, believing that they have to be there for everybody.

Showing empathy to people when you feel resentful, because you feel used, is not good at all.

Together with the knowledge of knowing that you deserve better, comes a healthy self-esteem. If you do not feel good about yourself, work on improving your self-esteem.

Learn to say “No”. Do not become that person who runs around, making sure that everybody is happy and have what they need, while neglecting yourself.

It is all about balance.

Some people may have to ask God for permission to have at least one swear word in their vocabulary, especially when they start out making the changes. Let's face it, some people do not respond to kind behaviour and communication, because they see it as a weakness. Your one swear word may come in handy here.  And NO, you do not have to go around swearing at people; you use this word in privacy, after someone has made you mad or after you have allowed yourself to be abused yet again.  You may find that it is a wonderful stress reliever.

When you are healed, are more assertive and have the balance right with showing empathy to others and yourself, you can lose this word...or keep it. The choice is yours.

On the flipside of this, is the person with a lack of empathy for others. This may be an indication of too much self-importance that may indicate a personality disorder. On the other side: a lack of empathy for others may be an indication of a person who has had enough of showing empathy and being abused and reached that stage where they say: “Enough is enough.” Neither options are good.

When you take care of yourself, your needs and wants and see them as as important as the needs of others, you do not have to get to the stage where you turn your back on empathy.

This is the topic that we will focus on tomorrow morning, between 09h00 & 10h00. Do stay tuned.

What is your empathy challenge or what would you like me to focus on?

Let us know by sending a text message to the RSG studio – 33343. You can send your message every week day, between 09h00 & 12h00. Text messages are charged at R1,50 each. We may be focusing on your suggestion next.

“RSG, Dis Die Een.”

Andeline Williams-Pretorius is an Inspirational Speaker, Trainer & Author. She is passionate about making a positive contribution to South Africa. She does this through her speaking and training and her passion for empathy.

If you struggle with Empathy, Self-esteem or Assertiveness and feel the need to participate in a programme, contact Andeline to enquire about her one-on-one sessions.

You can also visit her website for more information about her topics: Http://www.andeline.co.za

You can also visit the Facebook page of The Empathy Campaign: Http://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa

Contact Andeline with your enquiries.

Mobile: 072 856 0218

Email: info@andeline.co.za