Empathy to / for ourselves

In order to effectively demonstrate empathy to others, it is important that we first show empathy to ourselves. With the nearing Women's Month, I can't help but think of the countless women who are fulfilling their role as mother, wife, community worker and / or in the work place.

The needs of others often come before their own and sometimes their needs are not even part of the list of items on their to-do list.

The foundation of empathy for ourselves is based in a healthy self-esteem (self-care) and assertiveness. Many people struggle with this, even though they have empathy for others. The secret is about balance. Too much empathy for others, while having none for ourselves can lead to you being taken advantage of. You'll end up being one of those people who are always wondering: “Why is this always happening to me?” This will lead to frustration and resentment, because the person with too much empathy, (while having none for themselves) are often unable to express their needs. They say yes to people when they are supposed to say no.

Where do you start when wanting to rectify such a situation?

Change takes time and practice. The most important point to remember is that you deserve the good treatment and care that you are willing to give to someone else. You have to claim that for yourself. Women in particular should lose the super-woman syndrome, believing that they have to be there for everybody.

Showing empathy to people when you feel resentful, because you feel used, is not good at all.

Together with the knowledge of knowing that you deserve better, comes a healthy self-esteem. If you do not feel good about yourself, work on improving your self-esteem.

Learn to say “No”. Do not become that person who runs around, making sure that everybody is happy and have what they need, while neglecting yourself.

It is all about balance.

Some people may have to ask God for permission to have at least one swear word in their vocabulary, especially when they start out making the changes. Let's face it, some people do not respond to kind behaviour and communication, because they see it as a weakness. Your one swear word may come in handy here.  And NO, you do not have to go around swearing at people; you use this word in privacy, after someone has made you mad or after you have allowed yourself to be abused yet again.  You may find that it is a wonderful stress reliever.

When you are healed, are more assertive and have the balance right with showing empathy to others and yourself, you can lose this word...or keep it. The choice is yours.

On the flipside of this, is the person with a lack of empathy for others. This may be an indication of too much self-importance that may indicate a personality disorder. On the other side: a lack of empathy for others may be an indication of a person who has had enough of showing empathy and being abused and reached that stage where they say: “Enough is enough.” Neither options are good.

When you take care of yourself, your needs and wants and see them as as important as the needs of others, you do not have to get to the stage where you turn your back on empathy.

This is the topic that we will focus on tomorrow morning, between 09h00 & 10h00. Do stay tuned.

What is your empathy challenge or what would you like me to focus on?

Let us know by sending a text message to the RSG studio – 33343. You can send your message every week day, between 09h00 & 12h00. Text messages are charged at R1,50 each. We may be focusing on your suggestion next.

“RSG, Dis Die Een.”

Andeline Williams-Pretorius is an Inspirational Speaker, Trainer & Author. She is passionate about making a positive contribution to South Africa. She does this through her speaking and training and her passion for empathy.

If you struggle with Empathy, Self-esteem or Assertiveness and feel the need to participate in a programme, contact Andeline to enquire about her one-on-one sessions.

You can also visit her website for more information about her topics: Http://www.andeline.co.za

You can also visit the Facebook page of The Empathy Campaign: Http://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa

Contact Andeline with your enquiries.

Mobile: 072 856 0218

Email: info@andeline.co.za

Empatie met / teenoor onsself

Om empatie effektief aan ander te betoon, is dit belangrik dat ons eerstens empatie aan onsself moet betoon. Baie mense sukkel egter hiermee of om daardie balans reg te kry. Met Vroue Maand om die draai, kan en nie help nie om te dink aan al die vroue wat hul plek volstaan as ma, gemeenskapswerker en ook in die werksplek. Ander se behoeftes is dikwels eerste prioriteit, terwyl baie vroue se behoeftes of dit wat vir hulle belangrik is, dikwels nie op hul lysie van prioriteite is nie.

Die fondasie vir goeie en gebalanseerde empatie teenoor ander, lê opgesluit in 'n goeie selfbeeld (omgee vir self) en in goeie selfgeldendheid.

Is daar iets soos te veel empatie teenoor ander?

Inderdaad. Wanneer jy te veel empatie aan ander betoon, ten koste van jouself, is dit 'n aanduiding dat daardie balans uit proporsie is. Te veel empatie teenoor ander, veroorsaak ook dikwels dat jy deur ander uitgebuit of misbruik word. Dit lei tot frustrasie omdat jy nie oor die vermoë beskik om jou behoeftes aan ander te kommunikeer nie. Jy sê dikwels ja vir goed waarvoor jy eintlik nee moes sê. Later wanneer jy alleen is, tob jy daaroor: “Ek moes nie ja gesê het nie.” Hierdie is 'n tydrowende aktiwiteit en indien jy hiermee kan identifiseer, hoop ek dat jy sien hoe belangrik dit is om jouself te laat geld. Indien jy in hierdie kategorie val, vra jy dikwels: “Maar hoekom gebeur dit dan altyd met my?” Klink dit bekend? Indien ja, dan is dit tyd om die nodige veranderinge aan te bring.

Om die nodige veranderinge aan te bring, is iets wat nie oornag gaan gebeur nie. Dit vat tyd en baie oefening. Dis egter belangrik om te besef dat jou behoeftes en dit waaraan jy waarde heg, ook belangrik is, dat dit ook op jou lys van prioriteite behoort te wees. Kyk wat jy kan doen om jou selfbeeld te verbeter.

Leer om “Nee” te sê. Dis 'n klein woordjie, maar jy mag nie die waarde van hierdie woordjie onderskat nie. Om “nee” te kan sê wanneer nodig, kan baie bevrydend wees.

Sommige mense mag dit nodig vind om vir God toestemming te vra om een vloekwoord in hul woordeskap toe te laat. Kom, laat ons nou maar eerlik wees. Baie mense reageer nie goed op bedagsame optrede en omgee nie. Inteendeel, sommige dink dikwels dat jy 'n swakkeling is wanneer empatie vir jou belangrik is. Soms sien hulle jou as vloerlap en elke vuil skoen, soek jou uit wanneer hulle hulself aan iets wil afvee.

Nee, jy moenie begin om mense links en regs te vloek nie. Daardie woordjie is sommer vir jouself, om te gebruik wanneer jy alleen is, agter die rug van daardie misbruikers. Jy sal vind dis 'n wonderlike stres verligter.

Wanneer jou balans reg is, wanneer jy kan vra vir dit wal jy wil hê, wanneer jy goed voel oor jouself en jouself kan laat geld, kan jy hierdie vloekwoordjie laat gaan...of hou. Dis jou keuse.

Daar is ook mense wat daarmee sukkel om empatie aan ander te betoon. Vir sommige kan die rede hiervoor te veel self-belangrikheid wees wat dalk op 'n persoonlikheidsafwyking dui. In baie gevalle is daar nie juis iets wat hieraan gedoen kan word om dit te genees nie.

Aan die ander kant, is daar die persoon wat 'n tekort aan empatie het, omdat hulle genoeg gehad het daarvan om misbruik te word. Dit is ook nie 'n goeie opsie nie. 'n Goeie selfbeeld en selfgeldendheid kan veroorsaak dat jy nooit hierdie punt bereik nie. Net soos wat jy vir ander omgee en hul belange op die hart dra, net so behoort jou belange ook 'n prioriteit te wees. Dit gaan oor 'n gesonde balans.

Wat dink jy van empatie teenoor jouself? Is jy 'n slagoffer wat gereeld misbruik word deur ander?

Gesels gerus môre saam, tydens my gereelde empatie bydrae op RSG, tussen 09h00 & 10h00. Laat weet ons wat jy dink. Stuur jou sms na 33343, tussen 09h00 en 12h00. R1, 50 per sms.

Wat is jou empatie kwessie?

Is daar iets spesifieks waarmee jy sukkel wanneer dit by empatie kom? Wonder jy hoe jy empatie aan iemand wat jou seergemaak het, kan betoon of of dit enigsins moontlik is? Sukkel jy met empatie teenoor iemand wat anders as jy doen of glo?

Laat weet gerus deur jou sms te stuur na 33343. Ons fokus dalk volgende keer op jou spesifieke kwessie. Vir jou spesifieke empatie kwessie, kan jy elke weeksdag (tussen 09h00 & 12h00) jou sms stuur na 33343. Sms koste: R1, 50 per sms.

Wie is Andeline Williams-Pretorius

Andeline is Inspirerende Spreker & Skrywer. Sy ia passievol daaroor om 'n positiewe bydrae tot Suid Afrika te lewer en doen dit met haar opleidingsprogramme en praatjies.

Indien jy sukkel met Empatie, 'n Swak Selfbeeld of Selfgeldendheid, kan jy haar kontak vir meer inligting oor die individuele sessies wat sy aanbied.

Sien ook Andeline se webblad vir meer onderwerpe: Http://www.andeline.co.za

Besoek ook die facebook blad van die Empathy Veldtog (The Empathy Campaign) vir inligting oor wat hierdie veldtog behels.Http://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa

Mobile: 072 856 0218

Email: info@andeline.co.za

Empathy to our “friends” on social media platforms

The importance of empathy in our friendships. Most people would agree that we need to be considerate when dealing with our friends. Does the same apply when it comes to our friends on social media platforms?

To tag, post, share or not.  What are your thoughts?

Do you have an agreement with your friends to tag them? Do you tag your friends in posts or images that are of no interest to them? Do you know how they feel about this? Do you care?

Over the last few weeks, I have seen that quite a number of my facebook friends posted a request on their wall, asking their “friends” to refrain from tagging them and posting messages or images on their wall that are of no interest to them.

The list of irritations include:

Join my cause.

Being tagged in a post or image that is of no interest to the owner of the wall or page.

Being tagged in images that discriminate against a particular group.

Do you post anything on your friend's walls while you set your settings so nobody could post on your wall or tag you, unless they respond to one of your posts?

Do you think that it is acceptable to post or tag your friends in anything and everything that you wish?

Do you think that they are just over-sensitive when they complain?

Do you do this or have you been on the receiving end?

Regardless of which side of the fence you are on, you can participate in the discussion tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. If you see your friends' wall as yours or if you have a problem with friends who do this, send your text message to the studio. The number to use is 33343. Text messages charged at R1, 50 per text message.

What is your Empathy challenge?

If you have a particular challenge around empathy in any of your relationships, you can send a text message to the RSG studio, every week day, between 09h00 & 12h00. We may be focusing on your challenge next. The number to use is 33343. Text messages charged at R1, 50 per text message.

Andeline Williams-Pretorius is an Inspirational Speaker / Trainer / Counsellor / Author / Empathy & relationship expert.

Special offer until the end of July when you order from me

Order your copy of my book on Empathy by the end of July and and pay NO postage.

You can also find my book: In Mekaar Se Skoene at your nearest Exclusive Books or Bargain Books branch. If they don't have it in stock, you can ask them to order from On The Dot. 

Thank you,

Yours in Empathy

Andeline

Empatie teenoor vriende op sosiale netwerke

Soos wat ek in die hoofstuk oor Die Vriendskapsverhouding in my boek oor EMPATIE: In Mekaar Se Skoene uitstippel, is empatie teenoor vriende ook baie belangrik.

Vandag het ons vriende op sosiale netwerke.  Baie van hierdie “vriende” is mense wat ons nog nooit ontmoet het nie. In die ou dae het die grootmense altyd gesê dat jy aan jou vriende geken word. Is dit steeds vandag so en dink jy dit is regverdig wanneer mense jou facebook blad beloer om te sien wie jou vriende is en jou dan daarvolgens beoordeel?

Wat kan vriende op sosiale netwerke op jou blad laai en wat nie? Dink jy Empatie is ook belangrik wanneer dit by sosiale netwerke kom?

Die laaste paar weke sien ek gereeld versoeke van facebook vriende aan sy / haar vriende om nie sommer enigiets op hul blad te laai nie.

Is vriende wat so 'n versoek rig onnodig sensitief of is dit hul goeie reg om so 'n versoek te rig? Dink jy sosiale netwerke het mense van goeie maniere beroof?

Wat is van die goed wat vriende op jou blad laai wat jou irriteer?

Is dit:

Die gereelde “join my cause” versoeke.

Wanneer mense iets op jou blad laai wat niks met jou te make het nie.

Wanneer mense hul besigheid op jou blad adverteer, sonder jou toestemming?

Wanneer vriende jou “tag” in 'n foto wat niks met jou te make het nie?

Wanneer vriende hul profielfoto met 'n geslagsorgaan vervang, wat dan ook op jou blad wys waar hulle kommentaar gelewer het?

Is jy een van daardie Facebook vriende wat al jou vriende se mure as jou'e beskou?

Laai jy enigiets op jou vriende se muur, sonder om hul toestemming te vra? Indien ja, hoekom doen jy dit? Is dit omdat jy self nie omgee wat jou vriende op jou blad laai nie?

Baie vriende voer aan dat sommige “skuldiges” wat hul muur op die manier misbruik, se blad so ingestel is dat ander nie sommer enigiets op hul blad kan laai nie. Is jy een van daardie wat enigiets op ander se muur laai, maar voorsorg tref om te verseker dat hulle nie iets op jou blad kan laai nie, tensy hulle kommentaar lewer op iets wat jy gesê het?

Wat dink jy hiervan? Is dit nodig om empatie teenoor vriende op soiale netwerke te betoon?

Luister môre (Dinsdag) saam wanneer ek, Martelize & Johan hierdie kwessie bespreek, gedurende my gereelde Empatie bydrae op RSG. Bly ingeskakel tussen 09h00 & 10h00.

Gesels gerus saam

Jy is ook welkom om jou sms na die ateljee te stuur by 33343 indien jy kommentaar wil lewer.

R1, 50 per sms.

Wat is jou Empatie kwessie?

Jy is verder welkom om 'n empatie kwessie waarmee jy worstel, onder ons aandag te bring. Ons bespreek dit graag en gee praktiese advies waarop jy dit beter kan hanteer. Stuur jou sms na die ateljee by 33343, Maandag tot Vrydag tussen 09h00 en 12h00. R1,50 per sms.

“RSG, Dis die een.”

Indien jy my boek: In Mekaar Se Skoene wil bestel, gaan na jou naaste Exclusive Books tak of na Bargain Books. As hulle dit nie in voorrad het nie, vra hulle om vir jou te bestel by On The Dot.

Jy is ook welkom om by my te bestel.

Spesiale aanbod – geen posgeld tot einde Julie (wanneer jy by my bestel)

Hierdie aanbod is geldig vir bestellings geplaas tot Dinsdag, 31Julie 2012. Kontak my vir meer besonderhede.

Vriendelike Empatie Groete,

Andeline

Http://www.andeline.co.za

info@andeline.co.za

Andeline Williams-Pretorius is Inspirerende Spreker en passievol oor Empatie en hoe hierdie wonderlike gawe verskillende verhoudings kan verbeter, versterk asook gebroke verhoudings kan herstel.

Dit sluit in die gesin, skoonfamilie, die werksplek, vriendskap, rasseverhoudinge.  Sien my webblad vir meer onderwerpe.

My nuutste onderwerp, 

spesiaal vir vroue of geleenthede vir paartjies.

Emosionele Intelligensie - Die wolf by die agterdeur

Emotional Intelligence - The Wolf at The Back Door

In hierdie onderwerp, kyk ek na die verskynsel waar al meer vroue (getroud of in 'n langtermyn verhouding) voor die versoeking swig om 'n buite-egtelike verhouding aan te knoop.  Ek kyk ook na oorsake, sowel as na maniere om hierdie verskynsel te oorleef en jou goeie reputasie te behou.

Gesprekke oor 'n tydperk van sowat 'n jaar met vroue van verskillende rasse en kulture, beklemtoon die belangriheid van meer gesprekvoering in die verband.

  

Al my onderwerpe is in Afrikaans sowel as in Engels.

Kontak my vir meer besonderhjede om as gasspreker by jou volgende funksie of konferensie op te tree. 

Verwysings beskikbaar. 

EMPATHY ANGELS

The Empathy Campaign is about MORE than the translation of my book on Empathy. Yes, I am a dreamer and a visionary.  But with that, comes responsibility and the commitment to work at achieving these dreams.  Indeed, I am committed.  It takes a lot from an ordinary South African citizen with only a dream, to decide to follow that dream, in spite of a lack of support.  I completed my book on empathy had it published (see image below), secured a regular empathy slot on radio.  Here I am, still committed to continue with this great cause, a cause that South Africa needs; a cause that needs South Africa's commitment.  

I dream about the wonderful and positive contribution that I and every other South African who believes in nation building could contribute to South Africa. Apart from the other voluntary work that I am involved with, the foundation for my passion to contribute to nation building, is based on The Empathy Campaign http://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa

This passion came from understanding what it feels like to be on the receiving end of unkind and inconsiderate behaviour, of severe discrimination that were justified because of who I am, where I come from, what I look like. My powerful journey of personal growth made it possible to forgive.

The pain from my past, brought a wealth of good. It made me say: “Because I know what that feels like, I can never do it to another human being.” Let's re-consider our unkind actions.

Let's Ask: “How would I feel if I was on the receiving end?

Let's Act: And perhaps we'll be inspired to decide against such actions.

I was further inspired by ordinary South Africans and some, not so ordinary South Africans. I call them my EMPATHY ANGELS.

My dream with EMPATHY ANGELS, is to inspire South Africans to identify people in their communities, people who are making an empathic difference in the lives of others. With the necessary support from Government and Corporate South Africa, we'll be able to pay tribute to such individuals with what I call, an Empathy Angels Awards. Until it happens, I'll continue doing what I am absolutely passionate about, sharing the empathy message with South Africa on various platforms.

I am always looking around and getting inspired by the work that other people do. Stories about their kind and empathic gestures that they display, gestures that deserve to have that snowball effect. Today, I would like to identify some of these individuals who, with their actions, inspired me to choose between getting revenge and doing what is good for South Africa. Yes there are many individuals out there, making an empathic difference in their communities and South Africa. Today I'll focus on a few who stand out for me. These individuals include:

Mr. Nelson Mandela

His wonderful example set for people of all races in South Africa and around the world. An example that was instrumental in my journey towards healing and letting go of emotional pain and bitterness. I was able to forgive, because I had a great example to look at.

Angelique Fuhr

She is the 83 year old widow who discovered James Bhemgee, winner of "South Africa's got talent", season 2. He worked as a street sweeper and was always singing while doing his job. She realised his talent and sponsored singing lesson, among other things. As they say, the rest is history. Her investment has paid off.

She deserves all the praise for doing this, as a white South African nurturing the wonderful talent of a coloured man, a street sweeper at that, living on the Cape flats. May her soul rest in peace.

Apparently she still has a daughter, living in Cape Town. I'll be in touch with her as soon as the Empathy Angels Awards become a reality.

Prof. Jonathan Jansen, Rector at Free State University

Well, it takes courage to do the thing that eventually will contribute to the greater good of humanity- especially when there is so much criticism. It could not have been easy to be in that position. One thing I believe that we cannot deny, is that his decisions around the painful incident that took place at Reitz, was done with good intention, to eventually contribute to the greater good of South Africa. Love him or hate him; how would you have handled the situation?

Prof. Jansen also wrote the Foreword of my book on EMPATHY: In Mekaar Se Skoene.

Mr. Willem Maree

A homeless and jobless white South African saving a little black girl from drowning. He didn't say: “She's black, I'm white and I will not save her.”

He saved her life. What a wonderful example for nation building?

http://www.rapport.co.za/Suid-Afrika/Nuus/Meisie-9-van-waterdood-gered-deur-werklose-20111105

Blaine Vlantis

I recently discovered this young lady on Twitter. After reading her blog post, I knew that she deserves to be on this list. And hopefully one day soon an Empathy Angels Award will mean something, hopefully one day soon, the recipient will have something that they could hang on their wall.

How often do we fail to empathise with those who do not belong to our racial group, our cultural group, our religion? How often do we justify unkind treatment of those who represent the group or institution of that one individual who caused us pain? How often?

Blaine's blog post starts with: “How weird is it that they’ve put all the black girls in rooms on the bottom floor together?”

Read her complete blog post by clicking this link:

http://vryestudent.com/profiles/blogs/yeah-but-you-said-it-hetero-racialism-in-stellenbosch1

My dearest mother: Maria Williams

I do not recall that she has ever worn shoes that didn't belong to someone else first. In spite of extreme poverty, she was a woman of strength, a woman of great wisdom. “Never do unto others what you do not want done to you.” These words she spoke on a regular basis. By the time she passed on, these words were engraved in my mind and her valuable teachings guided me through many challenges in the past.

She struggled with raising seven children by herself after my father left. More often than not, the cupboards were bare, but she raised her children, always emphasising respect and good manners, treating other people well, “because you want them to treat you well”. In spite of all the hardships, she was our rock. She always told us that if we wanted to see our father, that she would not stand in our way. How noble? So often we hear those sad stories about parents splitting up, where one parent keeps the children from having a relationship with the other parent, often simply because they blame the other for the break-up.

It was heart-warming to hear the words of Dr. Frank Chikane on television news the other day. He said: “We should get to that place where we are able to get into the boots of others.” This tells me that our politicians are realising the importance of nation building. They too need the support from citizens. I pledge mine.

I believe in nation building and I am willing to contribute towards it, for the greater good of all. I will never think of myself as so powerful that I could manage and grow The Empathy Campaign by myself. No, I can't and do not want to. This campaign needs all the support that it can get.

If you have any enquiries, do contact me.

Thank you, South Africa.

Andeline Williams-Pretorius

CEO, Andeline's Motivational Traininig

Creator Of The Empathy Campaign

Speaker / Trainer / Author / Counsellor

Http://www.andeline.co.za

Http://www.facebook.com/empathycampaignsa

http://andelinewilliamspretorius.blogspot.com/2012/05/help-spread-important-message-of.html

Listen to my regular Empathy contributions on Afrikaans radio station RSG, Tuesday's between 09h00 & 10h00.

Andeline is one of thrirty women recognised by African Innovations as one of South Africa's Most Inspirational Women. Their glossy-page coffee table book will be available in August 2012. Contact Lonwabo Jabavu with your enquiries about this fabulous and very inspirational book.  Lonwabo@africaninnovations.co.za

Unleash the blockage of an unforgiving heart

Life. There are not many certainties. One of the few things that we can be certain of, is that we will get hurt, experience emotional pain and / or become angry. When this happens, it is important to have a plan that will guide you on your journey to release such pain or anger.

Unfortunately, we are a society that mostly focuses on damage control, instead of prevention. This is the reason why many people do not know how to heal after experiencing emotional pain or prolonged anger.

In every painful encounter, is a lesson. A lesson that is meant to teach you something. This can only happen when you look a little deeper, beyond the surface; when you are able to change the meaning that you attach to your pain and find this lesson.

Sometimes, the lesson is that you need to look at yourself in the mirror, ask difficult questions and / or acknowledge your errors or weaknesses, those things that you neglect. This can be very challenging, especially when you are not used to look inward.

How do you change the meaning?

You do this by asking the right questions. Look at what happened. Look a little further, beyond the surface and ask yourself the following questions.

1. What else, other than the obvious could this mean?

2. What am I supposed to learn as a result of what happened?

3. How can I grow as a result of what happened?

4. What can I teach others, once I work through the pain?

To be able to forgive, will obviously requires more of you than simply answering the above questions, as I demonstrate in my complete programme on EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, titled: The Art Of Letting Go. However, by answering these questions, you are able to look at your current challenge of emotional pain or prolonged anger, in a different way.

Sometimes when the hurt is too much and you are struggling to forgive, it is important to know that everybody has their own time, and that it can never be a one-size-fits-all. The most important thing to start with when you need to let go of those emotions that do not serve you, is that you have to be willing to give forgiveness a try.

Forgiveness without empathy to those who caused you pain, is impossible. When showing empathy, it doesn't mean that you approve of the hurtful thing that was done to you and it certainly doesn't mean that you are weak. The top two scenarios that require empathy are:

1. When you need to let go and forgive.

2. When you need to practice consideration to your fellow human being. “I cannot do or say this   hurtful thing to someone else, because I would not like to be on the receiving end.”

When you get into the habit of the second scenario, above, it becomes easier to grow into this mindset.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to master.  At the same time it is one of the things that are the most beneficial to your journey of personal growth. Forgiveness brings freedom, freedom that you deserve.  In order to get it, you have to claim it for yourself.

Listen to RSG on Tuesday, between 09h00 & 10h00 for my regular contribution on Empathy. If you are struggling with an empathy challenge that you would like me to focus on, you can send a text message to the studio, on week days between 09h00 & 12h00. Send your text message to 33343, and I may be focusing on your challenge next time. Text messages charged at R1, 50.

Andeline is an Inspirational Speaker, Trainer, Author, Creator of The Empathy Campaign.  She was recognised by African Innovations as one of South Africa's Most Inspirational Women. Their glossy-page coffee table book will be available in August 2012.

PR Consultant - My new Hat

When you are committed to learn and grow,  wonderful things are possible.

Grow your business by getting great publicity has led me to now also wear the PR hat. Getting all the wonderful publicity that I enjoy, didn't happen overnight. It took me years to get to the stage where I am. I learned the hard way; no celebrity status, no mentor, but hard work, trial and error and finally getting it right. Today my services include teaching you the ropes so you'll avoid those trials and errors.

Getting great publicity can do more for you with building your personal brand or business, than a paid advertisement could. If you do it right, you can claim your space as an expert in your field and enjoy fantastic publicity on an ongoing basis.

Never underestimate the power of your “small” community newspaper.

I deal with many people who underestimate their community newspaper and what it could actually do for them. This was where it started for me. I began with regular news features in the community newspaper in my home town, George: The George Herald. Then, here in Johannesburg, the Roodepoort Northsider has played a major role in building my career over a period of four years. I am extremely grateful to both these publications.

How did I do it?

This is the question that I had to answer many times over the last two years, especially since not being a celebrity.

“Andeline, how did you managed to be able to write a regular column for Kuier magazine?”

Today I am known to Kuier readership as Kuier Coach. I absolutely love this title.

“Andeline, how did you managed to get all the wonderful publicity in reputable publications?”

These include: Destiny magazine, Vrouekeur, Rooi Rose, The George Herald, Roodepoort Northsider, Get It Magazine, Rapport and others?” And on radio: RSG, SAFM, talk radio 702.

“Andeline, how do you manage to contribute your expert opinion to Lig and Vrouekeur on a regular basis?”

This is wonderful, because I worked with one journalist and they would tell another, even at a different publication.

“Andeline, how did you managed to get your regular expert slot on Afrikaans radio station, RSG?”

I absolutely respect the people whom I deal with. My relationship with my favourite presenter started about four years ago. I send an email. I wasn't sure that my proposal was acceptable and simply wrote from the heart. Well, I was contacted and had the wonderful opportunity to share something with their listeners. I then choose to send regular updates on my progress over the years. And “the rest is history.”

Relationships

Relationships and how I treat my fellow human being, are extremely important to me. I managed to build wonderful relationships with journalists, editors and producers. These relationships resulted because of the way in which I have conducted myself and how I have dealt with them. Trust was built. Things positively escalated from there. You have to value people. Well, this value has certainly worked in my favour.

You have to treat journalists, producers and editors with respect and empathy. There are many people out there, with a story that perhaps are even more newsworthy than yours. You have to make sure that you are the person who gets selected to have their story published.

I am constantly learning, because I want to grow and be recognised by mainstream South Africa as a PR expert, as someone who could get great publicity for my clients as well. This I have proven over the last few months.

Attend my next public seminar on Expert positioning, titled: Grow Your Business By Getting Great Publicity. Here you gain all the necessary tools to start your journey. I believe in giving you real information, real direction. In fact, you get MORE than what you pay for, but that is my gift to you.

Since I know exactly who to contact at various media platforms, most people prefer to appoint me as their PR agent. You can do too. Terms and conditions apply.

Since this service is about introducing you to my contacts in the media and about managing my reputation, there are a number of things that I look at BEFORE taking you on as my client.

Example:

• If you are hosting a function and would like me to invite a journalist to do a news story, please make sure that you have a beautiful venue.
• Please make sure that you appoint someone to attend to this journalist on the day of your function.
• Please make sure that you deliver on the expectations that you created about your function. You do not want the journalist to arrive to do your story, but then change their mind, because you didn't deliver. Believe me – this CAN happen!!! However, with my checklist of what I look for, you'll be able to be a winner on your special day.

In short: Make sure that you treat this journalist like royalty. 

I will share more about the how-to on proper conduct soon.

You too can position yourself as an expert, get great publicity and share your expert opinion on your platform of choice. And the good news is that you do not have to start out by being a celebrity.

Yours in PR,

Andeline Williams-Pretorius.

Speaker, Trainer, Author, Life Coach for Kuier magazine, regular expert on EMPATHY on Afrikaans Radio Station: RSG, regular contributes expertise to various magazine articles.

Please visit my website Http://www.andeline.co.za

Follow me on Twitter, connect with me on LinkedIn and / or Facebook.

Thank you.