When nurturing your family, don't forget about yourself

My Empathy contribution on RSG, this morning. Stay tuned between 09h00 & 10h00; between 100 & 104FM.  

"RSG, Dis die een."

There is nothing wrong with taking care of your family. However, you have to make sure that you do not loose yourself in the process. In the age of women empowerment, we still hear of too many cases where women are at the financial mercy of the men in their lives. This often happens when women stay at home to raise their children and take care of their family. When the kids are grown and when the husband's business is successful (something that would not have been possible without his wife's support), she often gets rewarded with a divorce.

Just last week, I read someone's wall post on a social media platform. She mentioned that she just witnessed her neighbour (an abused woman) leaving her home, with only the clothes on her back, before her husband arrived home.

And then someone else quoted something written (by a journalist) in a newspaper. In the article, she focused on women, who from generation to generation, allow themselves to be at the financial mercy of the men in their lives. One piece of the article (written in Afrikaans) roughly translated as: “...those women who still haven't woken up to realise that there is life beyond their husbands, children and sunlight liquid; these are the women who are often raising their young girls in the same way...”  This is heartbreaking. 

Recently, someone shared their story with me. After getting married, she was expected to stay home to raise four children. She accepted this to be her role, because this was what her mother had done as well. Over the years, she support her husband in building a successful business.  When she told me her story, she was sad, because she missed out on growing herself. She regretted the fact that she neglected her needs. Today, her children are grown, her husband's business is successful and he recently asked her for a divorce.

Yes, it might be noble to take care of one's children instead of having a career, but we shouldn't do it, while neglecting our needs and our personal growth. I'm certain that if mothers were to ask their children whether they would want that for their mothers, that the answer would be “no.”

My advice to women who decide to stay home to raise their children and take care of their families, do so, but make sure that you continue to learn and grow. There are many short courses that will allow you to spend appropriate time with your family, while at the same time, allow for your personal growth.

Nothing is cast in stone

Life is unpredictable. Even though you may start out your marriage as a committed couple, there is no guarantee that you will live happily ever after, because of your sacrifices. I recall a story that was shared on the Oprah Winfrey Show a number of years ago. It was about a woman who gave up her own needs to raise her family. In her interview with Oprah, she mentioned that she did that, because that was what her mother had done and she believed that that was how it was supposed to be. She supported her husband in building a successful business.

Her husband left her for his assistant, whom he later married. It was hard for her to accept being replaced when she had sacrificed so much.  One day, she went to her husband and his new wife's home and shot them both. What a tragedy?

She is still serving time. If only she had valued herself enough and continued growing herself, while supporting her husband and nurturing their children. 

See this link for a snippet of the story. http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/family/broderick/1.html

You can also see this link – Oprah's most memorable guests. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Memorable-Guests/4

Where do you stand?

We need to do more with regards to the empowerment of women. However, we should take care to ensure that we do not empower women, while dis-empowering men. 

We should focus on finding that healthy balance.

And to the good men out there, I salute you.

Do you have an empathy / relationship challenge?

Let us know.  We may focus on your challenge next time.  Send a text message to 33343. Costs: R1,50 per text message;  OR you could send an email to brink@rsg.co.za

You can stay anonymous.

Yours in Empathy,

Andeline Williams-Pretorius

BA (Health Science & Social Services) Unisa

CEO, Andeline's Motivational Training

Inspirational Speaker, Trainer, Wife & Mother

Regular Empathy & Relationships Expert on Afrikaans radio station: RSG

Life Coach & Columnist to Kuier magazine

PR Consultant

Author of self-published: Success; it's your choice which was approved for the school curriculum in

2006; and In mekaar Se Skoene, published by Naledi in December 2011.

Recognised by African Innovations Publishing as one of South Africa's Most Inspirational Women.

Their glossy-page coffee table book is available at selected branches of Exclusive books.

Mobile: 072 856 0218

Http://www.andeline.co.za