Today, I am spring cleaning my heart and mind. I had many venting sessions about your verbal attack on me, about your false accusations that I have plagiarized your work. However, because (even when I am angry), I am still driven by Empathy and as a result, I have never mentioned your name. This is so strange, especially since you had no problem attacking me on your public Facebook wall (in front of the world), accusing me of plagiarism and questioning my sense of humour and my ability to enjoy being sexual. Well, Douglas, the words: "EXPERT POSITIONING" do not belong to you. I am against plagiarism, have always been and I am also speaking up against it, because I know what it feels like when people steal your work, without giving the due acknowledgement. And for someone to actually plagiarize your work, they would have to have access to it, don't you think?
Three of your colleagues have attended my public seminar on Expert Positioning. I am known for my comprehensive notes that I generously share with my clients. Contact me for their names - perhaps they could show you my notes. In my letter to you in which I request that you give me proof for your false accusation, you failed to respond and you failed to give me proof.
Apparently, you eventually deleted all those comments. It is just a pity that they were not deleted from the minds of those who had witnessed, who believed - just because you said it. It is a pity that deleting them from your wall did not delete it from the minds of those who are talking, whispering. It is a pity that it was not deleted from my heart, mind and computer.
WISDOM BY JT FOXX
I was about to spend money on taking legal action until I read the blog of JT Foxx in which he says that when there are false accusations about you, you should make a public statement. This is my public statement.
As usual, I was ready to let go of this matter, to allow it to disappear into thin air, until I heard the whispers. We live in the age of Google and Gossip and people often make decisions based on what they hear - whether it is true or not. And so today I stand up for myself, my business, for my journey of hard work in which I didn't cut corners and for everybody who remains voiceless.
LOOKING INWARD
Throughout your verbal attack on me, in which your wife and a few of your Facebook friends joined you, I thought to myself that I had no idea that my reference to your regular inappropriate and sexually suggestive comments on your public wall, could set off such a war. I got the impression that nobody messes with Douglas Kruger and those who dare are setting themselves up for trouble. All you had to do was to look inward and evaluate my comment.
I have seen these comments on your wall, from the cheap sexual mockery that you made about the name of a religious publishing house, to the last comment about your wife watching the wife of some Hollywood actor... I will not even repeat that comment here, because it is just in absolute bad taste and it is unprofessional for someone of your stature to say such things and the many other things that you wrote on your wall, while you are telling me and others about professional conduct. And that was my point. With all these comments that I have witnessed over a few months, I was surprised that nobody in your inner circle told you that you should stop, that it was inappropriate. I remember all the "likes" that you received. No wonder you thought that your comments were witty and humorous. Well, maybe when you are a comedian, but certainly not when you are a professional speaker and get onto a podium to tell others how to conduct themselves.
I will save the details about all these comments that I noted as inappropriate for court. I'm sure that you'll attempt to sue me for speaking up and speaking the truth - yet, it was quite okay for you to defame me and to verbally attack me.
As your wife reminded me in one of her attacking comments on Facebook about the fact that she has a law degree... I do not understand how anyone would want to sue someone only because they do not agree with them. Unlike you, your wife and some of your friends, I have stated the facts and didn't resort to insults.
And the "friendly warning" via email by your colleague that you could sue me... Not sure whether he thought that he was dealing with some stupid person.
I could not believe his comment, more so, because NO email from him in which he warns you about the fact that I could take legal action against you had arrived in my inbox. I wonder why... I wonder how this person would have responded if it was his wife or daughter who had been attacked and defamed in this way, an attack that he had witnessed. Would he say to them to not talk about it, would he warn them about legal action when they were the victim of something like this?
I wondered even more about whether he thought that he was dealing with some stupid person when I received his newsletter. I do not have time to pull it apart point by point. In the email he also said that he doesn't want to be involved and I respected that. When I received the newsletter and read it, I got the impression that he went back on his decision about not wanting to be involved, because to me it seemed as if he was protecting you.
He refers to some comedian using profanities and how that didn't take away from the quality of his craft, etc. My response: Yes, that person is a comedian and that is what most comedians do – they use profanities, etc. etc. I do not recall any of them telling me how to conduct myself in a professional manner though. He also refers to John Maxwell speaking and during his talk asking his audience to excuse him, because he just wants to write something down that he doesn't want to forget later. He mentions that that doesn't make him see John Maxwell as unprofessional, etc. Damn right it doesn't I would tell John Maxwell that he could take 5 minutes (if he asks for a minute) to write down something, before he continues with his speech. John Maxwell didn't use profanities, so there is a difference – a BIG difference.
After you tried to justify your inappropriate comments with your reference to what Gordon Ramsey, Jeremy Clarkson, etc. does, I sat in front of my computer in shock, wondering: “Who is this person?” Yes, Gordon swears when he cooks and Jeremy is not exactly an angel, but the difference between you and them, is that you tell me and others how to conduct ourselves, and they don’t. That’s the difference.
THE CONVERSATION BECAME UGLY
I left the conversation in the afternoon, because it became too much for me, I am not used to mud- slinging. But you couldn't resist coming back later that evening, accusing me of plagiarism. That sounds like harassment.
You said that I was unprofessional, because I wear a bikini - your reference, and I quote: "skimpy bikini." Why am I not surprised? We live in a society that is often quick to turn a woman (who stands up for herself) into something to be objectified. This comment of yours made me feel like I wanted to go and scrub myself. Different rules for men and women - our wonderful society. How nice? I believe that you appear shirtless on your Facebook wall these days.
Douglas Kruger, I will wear a bikini for as long as I look good in a bikini. I can promise you though that I will NEVER go to work in a bikini, because since I am not a bikini model, that would really be unprofessional and I will have a few names attached to mine.
However, you took your pornographic jokes to work. Remember the talk that you gave at one function at which I was an audience member. You can do that, and still enjoy wonderful support and still you are seen and treated as a professional. Yes, "some people are more equal than others."
Your wife also insisted that you are a decent man and as I said, I believe her, because I do not know you. However, what I do know is that sometimes respect for others are reserved to a particular race, to a particular culture, to fellow group members, etc. And as a mother of a young boy, I know that if my son ever talks to a woman in the manner in which you have talked to me (whether it is someone from a different race, whether it is the prostitute on the street corner, whether it is the domestic worker, whether it is the woman who begs at the robot with her child on her arm) while he calls himself decent, he’ll have to answer to me, because I won’t be happy.
By all means, be as sexual as you want to be, but surely as a professional, those comments do not belong on a public Facebook wall. But then again, you basically announced to the world in one of your follow-up wall posts, that you will do as you please and I quote:
“Friends, I have just been PC smacked. I am not responsible for the image that you have of me. I will not tone down my wit and humor...”
And as I wrote in my letter to you in which two of your colleagues were copied, you are wrong, because you HAVE sold me the professional image that I HAD of you, through your book.
Writing that letter and the email to you after your colleague suggested that we meet to talk about this whole matter, was my way of reaching out to you. You failed to respond, you failed to make an attempt to apologize and in doing that, you have cemented the unpleasant, arrogant and egotistical impression that I now have of you.
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