Show empathy to yourself by improving your self-esteem and assertiveness

A healthy self-esteem and level of assertiveness, make it possible for us to show empathy to others. However, empathy to others, has to start with empathy to ourselves. It is sad to see people who say that they are confident and assertive, launching personal attacks on others. There is never any need for that – even when it is out of retaliation.  Remember that arrogance is a result of an over-inflated ego and has nothing to do with a healthy self-esteem and assertiveness.

It is still early in the new year and there fore you can still plan your year, if you haven't already.

Because our self-esteem and level of assertiveness influence our emotions, how we respond to certain situations, our daily activities and how we treat ourselves and others.

Example: We all become irritated or angry, but there is a clear difference between how the individual with a healthy self-esteem and level of assertiveness would respond, compared to the individual with low self-esteem who lacks assertiveness.

The individual who lacks self-esteem and assertiveness, may respond by insulting the other individual or by putting themselves down: “I am not good enough, and this is why this happened to me...”, while the one with a healthy self-esteem and assertiveness, may respond by evaluating the situation: “This, has happened, now what should I learn from it and how can I grow as a result?”

Manage your emotions and work on your relationships to eliminate the need to “escape the self”, by abusing drugs or alcohol, harming yourself or engaging in other forms of “escape.”

How could you do this? By focusing of these elements.

Be aware of your emotions.

When feeling a negative emotion, focus on the reason behind it, instead of allowing yourself to become too consumed. Write about your feelings and think of things that you could do to feel better.

Recognise when things are too much and if you need to seek professional help.

Accept yourself

This can be very challenging when you tell yourself that you are unworthy, stupid, unattractive and all the other negative things that you feed your mind.

Think about it this way: we all have good and positive qualities and ones that are not so positive. Remember: whatever we focus on, tend to multiply. Be conscious of those time when you feel those negative emotions and make an effort to change them immediately, by focusing on what is good, by focusing on your good qualities.

Become more assertiveness

If you are one of those individuals who often feel plagued by “should-have's” after a particular situation, then you should take the time to become more assertive. A healthy level of assertiveness, will not only assist you to speak up when it is necessary, but it will also assist you to identify those things or battles that are not worth losing sleep over.

If you struggle with a particular issue around assertiveness, get a friend or family member to assist you with role-play on how to respond in future. The more you practice, the easier it will become.

Remember, healthy assertiveness has nothing to do with aggressiveness.

Have a purpose

If you have a purpose, it could serve as a wonderful compass for your life. With a purpose, you could compare whether your actions, the way you respond to others, the way you treat others are in line with your purpose.

Some of the reasons for low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness

• Stereotypes,
• The after effects of inappropriate discipline during childhood,
• Negative influences in society,
• Physical appearance,
• Abuse,
• Financial difficulties,
• Rejection
• The way we treat people who seems different.

Some of the things you could do to improve your self-esteem. If you need guidance, find help.

• It is important to realise that there is a problem and that you could do something to improve it.
• And then you have to have the desire to improve it.
• Remember that you are unique and special. If this is hard to believe when you start out, it will get better, the more you practice.
• Remember all your accomplishments in the past, how you felt and know that you could feel like that again.
• Becoming involved with a charity organisation to do voluntary work, could do wonders for your self-esteem. When you make a positive contribution to someone's life, it is difficult to believe that you are worthless.
• Become fit, eat healthily and take care of your body.
• Set goals and reward yourself when you follow through.
• Remember that practice makes perfect.

Are you dealing with an Empathy or Relationship challenge and don't know how to resolve it?  If "yes", you could send an email to brinkm@sabc.co.za or send a text message to 33343. Text messages are charged at R1, 50 each. We might focus of your challenge next time. You CAN stay anonymous.

Andeline Williams-Pretorius

CEO, Andeline's Motivational Training

PR Consultant

Empathy & Relationship Expert on RSG

Life Coach / Columnist to Kuier magazine

Author of self-published: Success; it's your choice and In mekaar Se Skoene, published by Naledi.

Recognised by African Innovations as one of South Africa's Most Inspirational Women - Their glossy-page coffee table book is available now.

Mobile: 072 856 0218

Http://www.andeline.co.za