EMPATHY – the ability to step into the shoes of others, to see from their perspective and to re-consider the unkind or hurtful thing that we were about to say or do.
To show empathy toward others doesn't mean that we have to feel responsible for the hardships that they encounter.
Showing empathy is rather a matter of ensuring that we are not responsible for that hardship. Wishing for others what we want for ourselves.
How?
ASK and ACT
ASK
The question to ask is: "How would I feel if I was on the receiving end of the unkind or inconsiderate behaviour?"
And then hopefully....
ACT
Deciding against the unkind or inconsiderate action.
Every time we see or experience unkind or inconsiderate behaviour, we express our disapproval.
Incidents that are still fresh in our minds are the recent rape of mentally handicapped teenagers and the racist tweets by two models.
Can we confidently say that that was where it all started for those responsible for the horrific and discriminating actions?
I doubt it. Somewhere along the line they committed unkind actions that were not appropriately punished and it simply escalated into what was responsible for the blow-up.
It is all good and well to take away titles, to expel, and to send rapists to jail. However, we should also look at inspiring these young people to become empathy-conscious.
Consider these basic examples displaying a lack of empathy
Example 1:
Imagine yourself walking in a shopping mall. You accidentally bump into someone because you didn't look in front of you. Do you justify giving the other person an apology or not, based on their physical appearance, racial background or your impression of their social class?
Example 2:
You are a parent and you are fixing a sandwich for your toddler and their friend. You prepare a sandwich with ham, cheese and all the trimmings for your child, while you decide to give your child's friend a sandwich with only margarine.
Has this ever happened to you?
Would you like it if the friend's mom did the same when fixing a sandwich for their child and your child?
If we do not consider our actions, our children may get the impression that differentiating between people in this way, is acceptable. This however is not where it stays. Such actions by parents may result in our children not only differentiating between people in this way, but they may justify unkind and inconsiderate behaviour towards their friend. This may lead to intolerance and discrimination.
Are you teaching your children to treat others in an unkind manner or to be intolerant without being aware of it?
Yes, these are very simple examples. However, these are examples that the majority of us can relate to. The sad part is that it often starts here, BUT it never stays here.
Can you think of more examples?
Let's make a habit of getting into each others' shoes. It is possible.
Andeline Williams-Pretorius
Speaker / Trainer / Counsellor / Author of book on empathy: In Mekaar se Skoene
Should you wish to contribute towards the translation of this book (Afrikaans to English) do contact me. For more information, you can also read my blog post, titled: Help spread the important message of empathy.
Thank you.
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