A healthy self-esteem and level of
assertiveness, make it possible for us to show empathy to others.
However, empathy to others, has to start with empathy to ourselves.
It is sad to see people who say that they are confident and
assertive, launching personal attacks on others. There is never any
need for that – even when it is out of retaliation. Remember that arrogance is a result of an over-inflated ego and has nothing to do with a healthy self-esteem and assertiveness.
It is still early in the new year
and there fore you can still plan your year, if you haven't already.
Because
our self-esteem and level of assertiveness influence
our emotions,
how we respond to certain situations, our daily activities and how we
treat ourselves and others.
Example:
We
all become irritated or angry, but there is a clear difference
between how the individual with a healthy self-esteem and level of
assertiveness would respond, compared to the individual with low
self-esteem who lacks assertiveness.
The
individual who lacks self-esteem and assertiveness, may respond by
insulting the other
individual or by putting themselves down: “I am not good enough, and
this is why this happened to me...”, while the one with a healthy
self-esteem and assertiveness, may respond by evaluating the
situation: “This, has happened, now what should I learn from it
and how can I grow as a result?”
Manage your emotions and work on
your relationships to eliminate the need to “escape the self”, by
abusing drugs or alcohol, harming yourself or engaging in other forms
of “escape.”
How
could you do this? By focusing of these elements.
Be
aware of your emotions.
When feeling a negative emotion,
focus on the reason behind it, instead of allowing yourself to become
too consumed. Write about your feelings and think of things that you
could do to feel better.
Recognise when things are too much
and if you need to seek professional help.
Accept
yourself
This can be very challenging when
you tell yourself that you are unworthy, stupid, unattractive and all
the other negative things that you feed your mind.
Think
about it this way: we all have good and positive qualities and ones
that are not so positive. Remember: whatever
we focus on, tend to multiply. Be
conscious of those time when you feel those negative emotions and
make an effort to change them immediately, by focusing on what is
good, by focusing on your good qualities.
Become
more assertiveness
If you are one of those individuals
who often feel plagued by “should-have's” after a particular
situation, then you should take the time to become more assertive.
A healthy level of assertiveness, will not only assist you to speak
up when it is necessary, but it will also assist you to identify
those things or battles that are not worth losing sleep over.
If you struggle with a particular
issue around assertiveness, get a friend or family member to assist
you with role-play on how to respond in future. The more you
practice, the easier it will become.
Remember, healthy assertiveness has
nothing to do with aggressiveness.
Have
a purpose
If you have a purpose, it could
serve as a wonderful compass for your life. With a purpose, you
could compare whether your actions, the way you respond to others,
the way you treat others are in line with your purpose.
Some
of the reasons for low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness
- Stereotypes,
- The after effects of inappropriate discipline during childhood,
- Negative influences in society,
- Physical appearance,
- Abuse,
- Financial difficulties,
- Rejection
- The way we treat people who seems different.
Some
of the things you could do to improve your self-esteem. If you need
guidance, find help.
- It is important to realise that there is a problem and that you could do something to improve it.
- And then you have to have the desire to improve it.
- Remember that you are unique and special. If this is hard to believe when you start out, it will get better, the more you practice.
- Remember all your accomplishments in the past, how you felt and know that you could feel like that again.
- Becoming involved with a charity organisation to do voluntary work, could do wonders for your self-esteem. When you make a positive contribution to someone's life, it is difficult to believe that you are worthless.
- Become fit, eat healthily and take care of your body.
- Set goals and reward yourself when you follow through.
- Remember that practice makes perfect.
Are
you dealing with an Empathy or Relationship challenge and don't know
how to resolve it? If "yes", you could send an email to brinkm@sabc.co.za
or send a text message to 33343. Text messages are charged at R1,
50 each. We might focus of your challenge next time.
You CAN stay anonymous.
Andeline Williams-Pretorius
CEO,
Andeline's Motivational Training
PR
Consultant
Empathy
& Relationship Expert on RSG
Life
Coach / Columnist to Kuier magazine
Author
of self-published: Success; it's
your choice and
In mekaar Se Skoene, published
by Naledi.
Recognised
by African Innovations as one of South Africa's Most Inspirational
Women - Their glossy-page coffee table book is available now.
Mobile:
072 856 0218
Http://www.andeline.co.za
